Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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