I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
