Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
