This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
