I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
