Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
