Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
