Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
