I wish my penis had an off switch
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
