I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
