Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need moral support for this bender
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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