I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Bring me that man meat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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