hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
