Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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