He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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