He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
