I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
