A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
