I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
