Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
3 2 1 whiskey
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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