He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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