Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
