I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
