Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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