I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
