hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
