Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
