okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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