Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
