I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
