Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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