My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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