You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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