I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
