Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
