WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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