Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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