I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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