wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
