Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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