I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
