Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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