I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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