I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
