Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
