She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
