i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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