and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
