I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
