I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
