Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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